I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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