Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
