whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
