I wish you could order shots online.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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