you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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