Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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