two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
