She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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