one might say we're banned from that church
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
