tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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