He had one of those small greek statue penises
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
