chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
