Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
