I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
