I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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