meet me or not, i'm out of control
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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