I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
