Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
