I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
