don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm too high and old for this...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
