I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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