Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
