the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
