As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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