My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
