And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
