Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
