her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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