I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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