I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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