$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize