Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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