Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
