The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
