Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
