im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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