He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
