It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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