do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
