Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
