She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life is pants optional.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
