why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
