dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
