dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
