Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
