Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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