doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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