I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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