It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
