i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
