dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
