my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
