How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
