Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
