I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
