I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
