haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
