How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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