ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
