had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
