Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
