I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize