maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
