Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So vagazzling was a success
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
