Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
