We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
