He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had to cum in my sink.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
