The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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