Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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