Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize