I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
