you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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