Already got asked if we're dating
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
