So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
