Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
