Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
